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Minimize. Optimize.

Junk accumulates. Fast. Faster than comfortable with.

G just got dropped off at Cubbies. Her verse was, "My Lord is my Strength and my Song." She was not having it at first. She's a skeptic. As am I.

House is finally getting in order. Slowly, but surely emptying one room at a time.

Anxiety seems to let go of my chest with each bag that leaves the house.

Still running in circles here, but with less to manage.

Less really is more. More time. More space. More freedom. Less clutter. More peace...

Out.

Running is easy...

Before We Go

Quotes.

Nick Vaughan: We love who we love. Sucks.



Nick Vaughan: God. Why is it that any one decision always seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life.

Brooke Dalton: I don't know but sometimes you have to just make the choice and jump.


(Favorite) Harry: You can't allow the ones you love to determine how you love.

Harry: There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.


And, now I feel I might hurl my guts out.......
Currently



Weather. Hormones. Misguidance. Shallow Graves. Walking and Talking D(e)ad. Bitterness. Judgements. Criticisms. Empty, one-way conversations. News stations. Angry flooding tones. Fear. Defensiveness. Strong personalities. Labels. Unrealistic expectations.

All have the tears caressing the outline of my face...

Sleeping alone. Staying on the sidelines. Leave me be, coach. I'm not up for the game tonight. Not even going to make eye contact.

Be my distraction.

So terribly sorry for feeling sorry (for myself)...

Putting big girl panties on...
Blowing my mind away, for it only gets in the way...

Of this life. And all the beauty this ego is trying to conceal...

Focus on the stars of the night... In all that darkness lies a billion twinkling lights.
(Proud that I just came up with that myself) Miss typing. Venting. Getting out the coarse grains this mind seems to harvest....


"Get the badness out"
"Get the poison out"


However we need to do it.

Unload. Your load.

Signed,
This Toad

xooox
....And, I just can't play like that. Anymore.

Games are fun. Playing with someone's heart is not.

This girl is a ghost.

This girl is dead.

Burry me. A burden too heavy.

Find your fascination in the living... they're less imaginary.

Perhaps.

Or, perhaps I have this all wrong.

In a narrow minded window sort of way.

Not the big picture. I'm semi-aware of that one.

Count your blessings, not your "stars."

So extremely tired. Even after a weekend of pure nothingness bliss.

I could sleep for weeks. I could dream even longer.

Disillusioned.

Out of touch.

Out of time.

These lips won't last forever.

Do you remember the lightening storm?

Live with what's broken.

Tags:

“If you prefer smoke over fire
then get up now and leave.
For I do not intend to perfume
your mind’s clothing
with more sooty knowledge.



No, I have something else in mind.
Today I hold a flame in my left hand
and a sword in my right.
There will be no damage control today.



For God is in a mood
to plunder your riches and
fling you nakedly
into such breathtaking poverty
that all that will be left of you
will be a tendency to shine.



So don’t just sit around this flame
choking on your mind.
For this is no campfire song
to mindlessly mantra yourself to sleep with.



Jump now into the space
between thoughts
and exit this dream
before I burn the damn place down.”



~ Adyashanti

Final Warning and Conclusion

My dear _____,

Take great care of all that has been entrusted to you. Have nothing to do with the pointless philosophical discussions and antagonistic beliefs of the "knowledge" which is not knowledge at all; by adopting this, some have gone right away from the faith.

Be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to rouse your temper.

Keep oneself uncontaminated by the world.

The heartfelt prayer of a good man works very powerfully.




Grace be with you.

Nearly Newly Born Newborn

Your eyes need not be covered.

Any longer.

Blink.

Stare.

Be blank. Be full. Be what you are. Be as you are.

Your inner-makings is your song. Your tune. Your hymn.

Preach to no one but yourself.

Nobody's really listening.

Talk all day and people will still only hear what they want to hear.

Coping, or addiction to self. Doesn't matter what it is. It just is.

Monkey Blood. Monkey business. It was all fun and games while it lasted.

And it lasted just about as long as those cookies.





What am I going to do with my life?
I hate that I wait for you.
I look for you.
We are a thousand miles apart.
In body and mind.
Yet I wait for you.

We make our own fate, yes?
We make mistakes, yes.
What about mistakes of the soul?

I used to feel you.
Hear you.
Smell your skin.
When you weren't around.
I used to dream you every night.
Now it's a rare occasion.
Not always a happy one.

I truly miss you.
Sometimes.
When I'm feeling romantic.
Helpless.
Forever is such a long time.

I believe we live lifetimes.
Every five years.
It's been a lifetime. Or two.

So much has changed.
Some remains the same.
The eyes are new yet the body is growing older.
Yours and mine.

Will I ever speak to you again?
There are days I wait for you to reach me.
There are nights I forever hope you don't.
And so it goes.

I miss you.
Truly I do.
Reach for me.
In your mind.
With your soul.
Like you used to.

Tags:

A little boy was having difficulty lifting a heavy stone.
His father came along just then.
Noting the boy’s failure, he asked, ‘Are you using all your strength?’
‘Yes, I am,’ the little boy said impatiently.
‘No, you are not,’ the father answered.
‘I am right here just waiting, and you haven’t asked me to help you.’
– Anonymous


Evil in the mirror may reflect back as Live.

Tethered and bound

Rotersand - "Wasted Wings"

why do I see you lie,
so helpless on the ground
when you've got wings to fly
where miracles abound

to go beyond the stars
that's what your wings are for
you can touch a million hearts
and live for evermore

don't you know that you can't fall
you are an angel after all
you can stride and you can soar
and still you lie there on the floor

you are an angel
you are an angel

but you keep your world confined
to colours blue and grey
when someone sheds a light
you look the other way

if you would only break your seal
and start to trust in you
your wasted wings could heal
and carry you anew